My father died

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It was July 9, 2008 and my father died.  He died in his sleep, sitting up in his chair, of an apparent heart attack.  He was 75 years old.

I was not really close to my father but his death came as a shock nonetheless.  My kids were home on summer break and since I work from home, I was at my computer when my phone rang.  It was my Mom and she said, “Your Dad is gone…”  I asked if she was sure and she said that she was.  It was just shocking.

Just Before He Died: The weekend before my father’s death, my brother and his wife and son had come to my home to visit.  My brother did not want my parents to be there during this visit so I did not call my parents and tell them that family was in town or invite them over.  That would have been my father’s last time seeing his youngest grandson and his own son as well.  (That is the belief my brother has, although I feel differently.)  I regret it now but my brother asked me not to have my parents over.  I think my brother regrets it now; he said so right after my father’s death.

Time: I can’t believe it will be one month since his death in just five days; it seems hard to believe.  So much has happened, because my husband has been so amazing for one thing.  He swooped in and took care of things instantly with my mother and her affairs and he also helped her to feel secure and he helped and amazed me.  He has made the time pass more peacefully for sure.  There is no one like that man, my husband.  I love him deeply.

My Mom is 75 and diabetic and she also has other difficulties.  Her care has been something foremost on my mind.  I respect my mother and my husband and I have been the primary ones caring for her since my father died.

My Brothers: I have three older brothers and they have not done much.  Two brothers have not visited my Mom or spoken to her on the phone much.  One brother acted like it was a casual as the weather when he was notified about my father; I was told he was smacking his chewing gum.  My other brother is still grieving in his own way I guess so he is not helping out in any way with money, support or anything.  The other brother lives in the same home as my mother, downstairs, so he is there more and is more hands-on with making sure she is cared for.  It is still hard to leave her 2-1/2 hours away in someone else’s care.  I know I will be going to visit her more frequently and caring for her more specific needs.

Along the way somehow, I realized that life is very short – much shorter than I thought before.  I know as well that I can control how my day goes, little by little.  I have the ability to make things keep moving and not stop my life, not stop moving and doing.

SM 8.04.08 @ 8:02 a.m.

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~ by coffeebreath on August 4, 2008.

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